Gravity Sucks or Why I’m Never Getting a Kindle Fire

Laura got a Kindle Fire for Christmas. She took it with her on a recent beach trip and says that while she loves her Fire, there is a major flaw—you can see your neck reflected in the screen. That doesn’t happen on my older Kindle so I may just not jump ship yet. There are too many other places where you are reminded of the unkindest cut of all – gravity.

I don’t have any tattoos, but I know what gravity will do to those cute butterflies that peak out from under the tops of lacy bras. They will settle and cocoon on breasts that are tucked into elastic waist bands and never fly again.  The image inevitably comes of retirement communities filled with senior ladies, tattooed bat wings flapping as they raise their arms and call out BINGO. Where, I wonder, could one place a tattoo that would be immune to gravity?

In Key West the bathroom mirror in our rental condo shows my whole body. I turn to view the back there and I think, “Is this what Roger sees when I walk away from him? I hope he doesn’t have his glasses on.” Then I remember. He had cataract surgery in both eyes and doesn’t need glasses any more. He’s got twenty/twenty vision. I’m just screwed. In fact, that condo mirror added an unwanted ten pounds. I try on my mirrors before I buy and at home I only have skinny mirrors and none show the lower half of my body. Why should I be depressed all the time? Gravity isn’t going to get me down.

2 thoughts on “Gravity Sucks or Why I’m Never Getting a Kindle Fire

  1. Too Funny! Tattooed bat wings flapping at bingo? Man. So the secret to a happy life consists of a mate with poor eyesight, skinny mirrors, a full body suit of industrial-strength Spandex and a non-reflective Kindle Fire. How hard can that be?


    • I forgot the industrial-strength Spandex. Roger always has told me I was gorgeous, but he was BLIND without his glasses. I think I need to post about writing….but this was way more fun!


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